Saturday, March 19, 2011

My Grandma







I made a trip to see my dear Grandma and family. My brave sister is her primary caregiver and keeps me in the loop as to her condition. Recently she has lost her will to live so there has been a quick decline. I timed it for Barry's days off and he stayed home with the boys so that I could have some quality one on one with Grandma and my sister. I had a nice relaxing drive over and the weather was nice and gave me no troubles. When I got there Niki had managed to get Grandma up and at the table for a bite to eat. Nik and I had cocktails. What I didn't know was that hospice was on their way over. A little awkward I suppose at 3:00 to be sitting there having happy hour :) The gals were so very nice and were very reassuring. Hospice is a very emotional transition. So much help is needed and welcome at this point but in your heart you know that your loved one will not be with you much longer.
On this trip I didn't have my boys preoccupying my mind. I noticed from the moment I walked in to the house how comforted I felt. I was the little girl sitting at the kitchen table drinking tea and reading magazines. Or coming down for lunch. Spending the night in the yellow bedroom reading my uncles old MAD magazines. I was always so close to my Grandparents. I slept in that yellow bedroom this trip and had a very restful sleep.
Such wonderful memories. I am truly blessed to have so much from them. So many of my core values come from Grandma. It came time for me to leave and I woke her up to give her a kiss good bye. She gave be a big smile. It was hard to leave this time. Usually, I am anxious to get home and get back in to my routine here. Hard because I guess there is a possiblity that I won't see her again. You just don't know. It truly felt like there was a rubberband attached to my heart pulling on me as I drove farther away. Needless to say tears have been dripping down my face off and on. So do I hope she keeps on so that I can make it back over? I don't know. I just want her to be at peace.
I stopped at North Bend on my way home to go through the Starbucks for a latte. A very nice thing happened to me there. I noticed the car ahead of me was talking to the speaker and laughing and I thought to myself what a very happy person. I pulled up to the window and went to hand the "barista" my money and he said "your drink has been paid for" I said "no, I haven't paid yet" and he said " the gal in the car ahead of you paid for it" and I said "you mean like an act of random kindness" and he said "I guess so". Just when you think there isn't much kindness left in the world. I am hoping I can pass it along some day soon.
So today I am going to start some seeds indoors. Still haven't done that. Hopefully, I can rally a couple of kids to help. I saw on a web site that our area should have its last frost sometime in the middle of April.
Baseball has officially started. Max is loving it. I am trying to remember how I actually did have fun last year. We have some conflicts of schedules with Coop's swimming and Max's baseball. It will be interesting to see us pull it off.






6 comments:

Anonymous said...

awww, great post, honey! Grandma's face lit up when Bess & I were talking about you Friday. Bess wondered what happened to you organizing the kitchen, it all looks the same to her? ;0) Ha Ha! Since I keep forgetting to tell you, Bess did hear from Sean, and him & Spencer with the kids will be coming to see her.. no mention of when tho :( I loved having you here with me at G'ma's house! You're exactly right, it is like being in a different world, or a time warp. Maybe as the weather gets a little nicer, I can start working in the gardens here to get my fresh air/sunshine.
Loves you! Niki

Kelly said...

Oh Rocky...I must go find the tissues.

Love and prayers to you and your beautiful family.

rocky said...

Thank you Kelly! It was very theraputic to put some words down.
Happy to report that I am doing better today. I just feel bad that I am not there. But I can't be 2 places at once. I do know that my Grandma would want me taking care of my family. That is her way :)

Jamie S said...

Aww Rocky my heart breaks for you. Your words bring tears to my eyes. I know so completely how you feel and what you're going through. If you need anything please call me. Let's try to get together for coffee soon! In the meantime know you are in my thoughts and prayers as are your entire family as you go through this difficult time.

The Smith Family said...

So sorry Rocky - that is a hard time and also hard to be far away (been there, done that :() But you are right - your Grandma wants you caring for your family. I am so happy you have such fond memories of sleepovers and fun at Grandma and Grandpa's house - isn't that a great thing to be able to hold on to. Thinking of you and praying for your Grandma and your whole fam.

Hugs, Jenn

Bess said...

I am so glad that you were able to spend some tome with Grandma. She loved you so much. She really liked talking to you on the phone a few days later. I love you too!! ...Aunt Bess